There's More To Life Than Goals
Straight from the mouth of the man who facilitates Men’s Goal Group: “There’s more to life than goals.”
I’m obviously for self-improvement, healing, and living life to the fullest or else I wouldn’t be a coach, counselor, or vision quest guide. But, as with all things, there is a point at which one can become neurotically goal-oriented.
I live in the Boulder, Colorado area. Boulder is renowned for its ultra-healthy citizens. There is an alternative health practitioner and yoga studio on every corner. Everyone has a psychotherapist, coach, or energy worker. Here, everything is gluten-free, locally sourced, paleo/vegan/keto, and organic. Yet, for all this health-mindedness, there is also an obscene amount of self-aborption. It’s Boulder’s not-so-secret sickness.
There’s more to life than goals. I’d go so far as to say that there’s nothing that wrong with you. You probably have some “defects.” Who doesn’t? You probably could shed a couple pounds (or a couple couple, am I right?). You probably feel undermotivated and underperforming, and maybe you are. But so what? There’s more to life than goals. There’s more to life than shaming yourself into action so that you can not be ashamed of yourself just as you are.
I can’t goal set my way to a more joyous smile on my fiance’s face. I can’t achieve my way to a more gorgeous sunset. I cannot by force of will manufacture peace. I’ve had to learn this the hard way, and it’s something I’m forced to learn time and again because I’m stubborn as hell. But so what? It’s how I was made!
In fact, without some “So What!” attitude, we won’t make any strides towards our goals because we’re so obsessed with outcomes that we freeze. Or, we’ll make some strides, be struck by an obstacle, fall down, and won’t get back up. So what if you got knocked down? If the goal is worthwhile, get up and try again. Or, maybe the goal isn’t actually worthwhile.
In the “Land of Opportunity” and “American Dreams” we are taught that anything is possible, that we can achieve anything we set our minds to. Not so. Not everyone is crazy gifted in a way that brings fame or glory. Some of us are just average ‘ol people. So what? WHY is there a push for us to be more than simple, happy people? I dare say, much of your pain is self-chosen. Please don’t complain about your pain when you are the one actively producing it.
Maybe now is a good time for you to let go of chasing that dream and start loving yourself and life as you are, as it is. One of the wisest teachers of my life, my mother, taught me this without even meaning to. For years and years I nagged her about why she doesn’t get out more, make new friends, eat healthier, exercise, etc. etc. etc. She changed 0% so I eventually quit nagging. Then I let myself do the unthinkable- I let myself fully accept my mother even though her life choices will probably shave a few years off her life, even though she feels lonely sometimes, and even though my family takes her to the ER every year for another bout of kidney stones caused by her refusal to drink enough water. She knows she “should” do more to help herself, but she’s happy enough as she is, so why bother? Today, she is the happiest person I know, and she definitely achieves the least of anyone I know (asides from being the world’s best listener).
Maybe satisfaction doesn’t require anything. Maybe there’s more to life than goals.
That said, how about setting some goals for 2020? Men's Goal Group has another round beginning soon. Some men have made serious progress with their goals with the help of this group. Some men have found that the goals they thought were worthwhile aren't. Win-win! Get ahold of me to learn more or check out the info here. If you could use some help with your goal unsetting or setting, I'm happy to meet with you for a free 30 minute consultation to explore how I can help you, 1-on-1.